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food addiction

Transparency Thursday

Transparency Thursday

This week has mostly been good aside from some physical pain from my neck and back. I haven’t been to the chiropractor in months so I was way overdue for an adjustment. I tried a new chiropractor that’s close to my work and he was far too rough. I couldn’t turn my head the following day, needless to say, the hunt for a chiropractor near my work is still on. One of the many reasons I want to get this weight off is to experience pain-free days. While my back doesn’t cause me excruciatingly pain everyday, my lower back is almost always tender to the touch, and I know it’s weight related.

Thankfully, the physical pain only made me emotionally eat once this week. It was a trigger food (spaghetti) and I forgave myself immediately after, and ate well the next day. Typically when I’ve emotionally eaten in the past, it takes me a while to bounce back, especially when it’s with something like spaghetti. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a couple months into my journey and I know one day won’t break me. The same goes with eating well, one day isn’t going to make me fit either, it’s the culmination of good days and moderation. I have to say that since counting my calories, I’ve craved spaghetti significantly less. I didn’t go back to confirm but this might’ve been the only time I’ve had spaghetti since starting. Before I would eat spaghetti 1-2x/week and I was eating close to 3-4 servings at a time. Not good.

Cory and I took advantage of YMCA’s free guest passes and visited the two gyms closest to our house this past week. The Y is expensive in comparison to what we’re paying at Planet Fitness, and we actually experienced better customer service at PF. Cory has the Black Card and so I can go for free so long as he’s with me. He’s fine with PF because it fits his needs but I feel uninspired when we go. The biggest lure to the Y for me is the indoor track and indoor pools. Something you may or may not know about me: I can’t swim. I love being in the pool, and over the years I’ve been telling myself “it would be really nice to learn how to swim.” I’m now to the point where I want to learn to swim, especially after watching the Olympic Swimming Trials last night. We’ll see if we can swing the Y in our budget.

I hope you all are having a fantastic week and are reaching your goals. Let me know what you’ve been doing this week in terms of health!


Transparency Thursday is a weekly series about how things are really going whether positive or negative. I want to keep things honest because this is going to be a lifestyle for me, and I do hope I can help someone.

My Story

It’s been a while…

It’s been almost two years since I’ve written here, and to say I’ve been off the wagon would be an understatement. Life happens as it does, and unfortunately I didn’t make eating well and exercising a priority. As a result, I’ve put on about 80 lbs from my lightest, which is a new highest for me. 80lbs extra isn’t good for anyone, especially someone with a 5’3 frame. I know it’s going to be a long road for me because I didn’t put this on overnight but I’ve got to do this now.

I’ve been thinking about the topic of health for a few months now. It began when I started weaning myself off of anti-depressants — with my doctor’s approval of course. I felt that my depression and anxiety was situational and due to college, and I didn’t like the zombie it was turning me into. I’m to the point now where I’m only taking medication once a week. It’s been 3 months and it has been hell getting to this point. When times are bad they get really dark, and I find myself wondering if this was a dumb experiment. Then there are the good days when I feel alive and happy once again.

This week started out with me weighing myself, because I didn’t feel like a sad piece of shit enough. LOL. I had my cry and reached out to a therapist who focuses on depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. Cory and I ended up going out for a walk once I felt better. I am so thankful I have a partner I can talk to, and isn’t like Oh, she’s in one of her moods… I’ll let her be until she’s in a better mood.

This week has been a really good week as far as food and exercising. I’m trying my hardest not to jump in completely and become obsessed. I spent Monday putting the food I ate into MyFitnessPal just to see if I still felt anxiety when it came to calorie counting. I set it up so that my goal was to lose .5lb this week. It’s not much but I didn’t want to cut my calories drastically and set myself up for failure. My intent was just to do a couple days this week just to see how it went. One day turned into two, two days turned into the whole week without me realizing it! I was under all but one day this week and I lost a little over 7lbs as of today. I felt full this week and I didn’t feel like I was giving up anything I really wanted. Last night I even had ice cream as a treat. I don’t expect a huge number next week, I may even gain, but I’ve got to continue to try. This week I’ve felt pretty motivated and energetic. The latter is something I’ve not felt in a very long time and definitely motivation to keep going.

Flooded Trail
Thankfully there were paved trails!

I leave you with some inspiration… A few years ago, my friend Tim shared the following video and it has always stuck with me. Ben’s story reminds me of myself and how I first began working on my fitness and it makes me cry every damn time. What you don’t see in this video is he eventually gains 150 lbs back. He has since lost weight, and he’s currently walking across America (L.A. to Boston) and documenting it online. He’s my inspiration!

To find out more about Ben, visit his blog and Instagram: @bendoeslife