It’s been almost two years since I’ve written here, and to say I’ve been off the wagon would be an understatement. Life happens as it does, and unfortunately I didn’t make eating well and exercising a priority. As a result, I’ve put on about 80 lbs from my lightest, which is a new highest for me. 80lbs extra isn’t good for anyone, especially someone with a 5’3 frame. I know it’s going to be a long road for me because I didn’t put this on overnight but I’ve got to do this now.
I’ve been thinking about the topic of health for a few months now. It began when I started weaning myself off of anti-depressants — with my doctor’s approval of course. I felt that my depression and anxiety was situational and due to college, and I didn’t like the zombie it was turning me into. I’m to the point now where I’m only taking medication once a week. It’s been 3 months and it has been hell getting to this point. When times are bad they get really dark, and I find myself wondering if this was a dumb experiment. Then there are the good days when I feel alive and happy once again.
This week started out with me weighing myself, because I didn’t feel like a sad piece of shit enough. LOL. I had my cry and reached out to a therapist who focuses on depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. Cory and I ended up going out for a walk once I felt better. I am so thankful I have a partner I can talk to, and isn’t like Oh, she’s in one of her moods… I’ll let her be until she’s in a better mood.
This week has been a really good week as far as food and exercising. I’m trying my hardest not to jump in completely and become obsessed. I spent Monday putting the food I ate into MyFitnessPal just to see if I still felt anxiety when it came to calorie counting. I set it up so that my goal was to lose .5lb this week. It’s not much but I didn’t want to cut my calories drastically and set myself up for failure. My intent was just to do a couple days this week just to see how it went. One day turned into two, two days turned into the whole week without me realizing it! I was under all but one day this week and I lost a little over 7lbs as of today. I felt full this week and I didn’t feel like I was giving up anything I really wanted. Last night I even had ice cream as a treat. I don’t expect a huge number next week, I may even gain, but I’ve got to continue to try. This week I’ve felt pretty motivated and energetic. The latter is something I’ve not felt in a very long time and definitely motivation to keep going.
I leave you with some inspiration… A few years ago, my friend Tim shared the following video and it has always stuck with me. Ben’s story reminds me of myself and how I first began working on my fitness and it makes me cry every damn time. What you don’t see in this video is he eventually gains 150 lbs back. He has since lost weight, and he’s currently walking across America (L.A. to Boston) and documenting it online. He’s my inspiration!