Browsing Tag

anxiety

Day to Day Getting Started Playlists

Things I’m (re)learning + Spotify playlist

I'm down 10 lbs! :D

Carlton Dance GIF

This week was pretty good and it certainly helped hitting this goal. I don’t feel like I can notice a difference in my body or how things are fitting, and I certainly don’t expect anyone else to notice. I have noticed my mental health is better since I’ve started exercising and watching what I ate a few weeks back. I’m not saying those two things cure depression and anxiety because I know they’ve never worked for me by themselves. They help for a while but the underlying issues always come out. While I am still on anti-depressants, I am only taking them when I start to feel anxious. Typically it’s once a week but I was able to go about two days longer than normal this week, which I am happy about. Taking it once seems to curb the feeling without making me feel numb. The end game is to get off of them so long as things continue to improve.

Things I’m (re)learning:

What’s working for me:
I haven’t been utilizing a gym because the weather has been cool enough to walk and I have TRX for strength training. Typically, I prefer to be outside rather than in a gym anyway. I also prefer to take multiple leisurely walks (15-30 minutes) as opposed to one really hard walk.

Fitness professionals: is this wrong? I’m trying to figure out the way I can keep up with this long-term and this seems to work best for my schedule. Doing it this way gives me energy and keeps me motivated throughout the day.

Sometimes you have to listen to your body and rest
I typically stay the night at my parents one night a week to break up my commute during the week and visit my family. I went down with the intention of walking on the farm for a bit and instead I napped on the couch for 3 hours. I felt guilty because I didn’t walk but I clearly needed the rest.


In case you’ve been living under a rock during the past week, you have to listen to ^^ this ^^ new single from Justin Timberlake! It’s a super fun song and makes you dance, dance, dance when you listen to it, and this week is worth celebrating!

I also put together a short playlist (~30 minutes) if you’re interested in using the next time you’re working out.

**If you can’t view this on your mobile device, click here.

Day to Day

The inspiration of tight pants

It’s no secret that I’ve been off the wagon for about a year now. The weight has slowly crept up, and at the time I was dealing with a lot of other emotions, such as anxiety and depression. Needless to say, working out and eating healthy was far from my first priority with school and everything else.

Today as I was getting ready for work, I realized my usual pair of khakis was in the wash and I had to face the truth. I put on a pair of Dickies’ that are a size 18, they weren’t exactly loose when I bought them, and they have zero stretch to them. As I pulled them up to my hips, I realized just how much weight I’ve put back on. I inhaled and sucked in long enough to get them zipped and reluctantly buttoned. I found a loose blouse I could wear so no one could see my body protruding over my pants. At least I hope they couldn’t.

I’ve made a point to not weigh myself recently and I know it’s not good to avoid the scale when you’re not exercising and eating poorly. I know. I should’ve weighed myself when we got back from Europe, because we walked anywhere from 15-23K steps a day even on days we spent the airport. I know I lost some weight on vacation. Even as we were coming back, my thought was: I’ve got a good start, focus on getting over 10-12K steps a day. If I lived in Europe, that wouldn’t be a problem. Living in Kentucky, I can’t get that just by commuting. I actually have to do some work if I want to get the recommended 10K steps.

Sure, I could make more excuses as to why I’ve put on weight or how hard it is to get start over again. It is hard as hell to start over yet again. Unfortunately, my excuses don’t burn any calories. Even if it’s hot out, I have a gym membership that I’m paying for every month; I have workout videos if I don’t feel like driving. I need to own this weight I’ve put on and quit talking about the fact it’s there and do something about it.

I’m not going to make some sort of sweeping declaration like I’m going to do x, y, and z, because I will set myself up for disappointment changing too many things at once. I’m just going to try moving more at the moment to get my body back in the habit. Typically when I exercise, I tend to eat better and eat less bad stuff without even trying. We shall see how this goes…

Day to Day

Where I’ve been…

I’ve been wanting to write here for a while but I haven’t really made the time to sit down and simply start writing. I enjoy blogging a lot, but in the list of things I have to do blogging tends to fall down toward the bottom of the list. I need to change that because it does help to get the words down for myself and hopefully someone out there can relate to the things that I write.

I last updated around August about halting calorie counting indefinitely. The short version of what has happened in that time is that I finally got my thyroid levels in a normal range (for now), but also in that same day, I was put on medicine for depression and anxiety. I’ve dealt with depression since I was about 16 years old, it would come and go through the years depending on the environment I was in. The anxiety is new though. I’m not really sure when it started but it really reared its head last semester.

I was finally back to full-time at school and it was all very overwhelming. I wasn’t sleeping well, I was feeling my moods swing back and forth, I couldn’t focus, I would wake up to my heart beating rapidly, I started crying at random, and every little thing was beginning to stress me out to the max. I remember one specific time being in the cafeteria at school and I felt like everyone was staring at me and the room was closing in on me. I finally had to leave the building and get on the bus to go home despite still having classes to go to. I’ve never enjoyed crowds but it hasn’t got to the point that I had to remove myself from an environment, and so I knew something was going on with me.

I went to the doctor in November after having some blood work done for my thyroid and she told me it was finally in a normal range. I started tearing up when she told me that and she asked what was wrong when she saw the tears in my eyes. I started weeping in her office because if it wasn’t my thyroid causing this what was? Was I going crazy? In between weeping and trying to breathe, I told her about all the things I had been feeling lately. She was very comforting and understanding, as she had once been in my situation, and finally asked if I wanted some “help”. I knew what “help” meant: pills. I didn’t accept right away but the more I thought about it, it seemed like the best option. I knew I couldn’t keep feeling the way I did.

anxiety
Credit: Unknown

I started taking the pills she prescribed and the first week was a night and day difference. I was actually sleeping through the night and I felt rested when I woke. I was feeling carefree; a little too carefree at times — oh, I have a test tomorrow? I don’t need to study… I’ll be ok! Not to divulge too much info but I was actually going to the bathroom like a normal person. It’s amazing what stress does to your body. For the most part, my moods have become more normal, and while I don’t feel 100%, it’s definitely an improvement from where I was.

I guess the biggest thing that has changed is my weight which I think started some of the anxiety. I have gained most of my weight back that I’ve lost. I stepped on the scale about a week ago and and my heart sunk when I saw 232 lbs. It’s a bit disheartening . . . ok a lot disheartening. I haven’t really gone around a lot of people because I know I’ll be too worried that they’re thinking “Wow, she gained all of her weight back!” I typically don’t worry what others think of me but that is one thing I fear.

I’m currently working on getting myself mentally healthy and making changes here and there to get myself ready for shedding these pounds off + more. I know once it warms up and the sun is out more often I’ll perk up and have no problems getting outdoors to get this weight off. But one step at a time…