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My Story

My Story

It’s been a while…

It’s been almost two years since I’ve written here, and to say I’ve been off the wagon would be an understatement. Life happens as it does, and unfortunately I didn’t make eating well and exercising a priority. As a result, I’ve put on about 80 lbs from my lightest, which is a new highest for me. 80lbs extra isn’t good for anyone, especially someone with a 5’3 frame. I know it’s going to be a long road for me because I didn’t put this on overnight but I’ve got to do this now.

I’ve been thinking about the topic of health for a few months now. It began when I started weaning myself off of anti-depressants — with my doctor’s approval of course. I felt that my depression and anxiety was situational and due to college, and I didn’t like the zombie it was turning me into. I’m to the point now where I’m only taking medication once a week. It’s been 3 months and it has been hell getting to this point. When times are bad they get really dark, and I find myself wondering if this was a dumb experiment. Then there are the good days when I feel alive and happy once again.

This week started out with me weighing myself, because I didn’t feel like a sad piece of shit enough. LOL. I had my cry and reached out to a therapist who focuses on depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. Cory and I ended up going out for a walk once I felt better. I am so thankful I have a partner I can talk to, and isn’t like Oh, she’s in one of her moods… I’ll let her be until she’s in a better mood.

This week has been a really good week as far as food and exercising. I’m trying my hardest not to jump in completely and become obsessed. I spent Monday putting the food I ate into MyFitnessPal just to see if I still felt anxiety when it came to calorie counting. I set it up so that my goal was to lose .5lb this week. It’s not much but I didn’t want to cut my calories drastically and set myself up for failure. My intent was just to do a couple days this week just to see how it went. One day turned into two, two days turned into the whole week without me realizing it! I was under all but one day this week and I lost a little over 7lbs as of today. I felt full this week and I didn’t feel like I was giving up anything I really wanted. Last night I even had ice cream as a treat. I don’t expect a huge number next week, I may even gain, but I’ve got to continue to try. This week I’ve felt pretty motivated and energetic. The latter is something I’ve not felt in a very long time and definitely motivation to keep going.

Flooded Trail
Thankfully there were paved trails!

I leave you with some inspiration… A few years ago, my friend Tim shared the following video and it has always stuck with me. Ben’s story reminds me of myself and how I first began working on my fitness and it makes me cry every damn time. What you don’t see in this video is he eventually gains 150 lbs back. He has since lost weight, and he’s currently walking across America (L.A. to Boston) and documenting it online. He’s my inspiration!

To find out more about Ben, visit his blog and Instagram: @bendoeslife

My Story

My Story

I don’t know what it’s like to be healthy or skinny for that matter, because I’ve never been either of those things. As I’ve grown up I’ve lost a decent amount of weight at times, but it never fails that years later it slowly creeps up on me because I don’t make a lifestyle change. During the summer of 2011 I weighed myself and I was at my heaviest. I was disgusted with myself but that didn’t motivate me to take initiative and do something about it. I can’t say I let myself get to that point due to lack of knowledge. I’ve never done anything to screw up my metabolism like a crazy fad diet, diet pills, etc. I know it requires hard work on my end to lose weight. Looking back at that time I didn’t care enough about myself to do anything about it.

I finally hit rock bottom in 2011 when I had a very messy breakup. I was crushed to say the least because it wasn’t expected. Is it ever expected really? I remember the morning after the breakup, I hadn’t slept all night, and went for a walk to clear my head. I walked and then started jogging; I jogged as far as I ever had on my 240lb frame. I felt better even if it was just for the time that I was exercising. I decided from then on I would keep this up to help cope with the greif I was feeling.

After a few months of walking and the occasional jogging, I joined a gym, and started strength training in addition to cardio. I’m not competitive by nature but I’ve been competing with myself lately to see what I can do. I feel confident and accomplished; two things I haven’t felt in a long time! I am more energetic than ever and I actually look forward to working out (what?!) — that actually happens!

In Spring 2012 I was down to 208lbs, and I completed a 5K, 10K, and a 10-miler. See, anything is possible!

My intention with this blog is to keep myself accountable; I still have more weight to lose, and I want to continue to live a healthy lifestyle even after I hit my goal weight. Most importantly, I hope what I write helps or inspires someone. I’m learning it’s a struggle to take back years of being sedentary and bad food choices. However, there’s no time like the present!